liveonthesun | Reading

I don't actually remember where I saw Catriona Ward's Sundial recommended, but it was somewhere and convincing enough to get it on my TBR. I finished the audiobook this week so it's time to reflect.

Sundial is a domestic psychological thriller which focuses on the relationship between the protagonist Rob and her eldest daughter Callie. Or at least, that's what the novel summary claims. A good 50% or more of the book is actually about Rob's youth and her relationship with her childhood family, primarily her twin sister, Jack. I didn't get that at first, which led to me being slightly frustrated by the length of the "flashback" sections until I realized that they were at least half the true focus of the story.

Ward excels in capturing the petty toxicity of a domestic environment gone sour. Especially deftly handled are the ways in which a partner can wound in such seemingly mundane ways. Many of the exchanges between Rob and her husband, Irving, come off as completely innocuous to an outsider, but to the two people in the relationship, who have the context for these seemingly nothing interactions, the full cruelty of them is on display. This adds completely believably to the tension between Rob and Callie, who has long favored her father, and who sees her mother's responses as hysterical overreactions, because she doesn't have the context that Rob does. Ward also very neatly portrays a truly vicious marriage, where both parties have given up pretending they want to be together, at least to each other, and where the entire relationship has become an unending game of oneupsmanship, trying to get one over on your spouse.

Adding to this suffocating atmosphere is Callie, a very strange 12-year-old who is starting to exhibit some very troubling behavior, particularly in her interactions with her 9-year-old sister, Annie. Rob has always struggled to connect with Callie—in contrast with Irving, who happily spoils her to force Rob to be the bad guy enforcing boundaries—but when Callie is thought to have attempted to poison Annie with Irving's diabetes medication, Rob decides it's time she and Callie have a real heart-to-heart.

So she takes Callie on a mother/daughter trip to Rob's childhood home, Sundial, an isolated family property out in the Mojave desert.

This book is at times difficult to read, because tension suffuses every page. At some point, I was waiting with baited breath for the next terrible thing someone was going to say or do. Not everyone in the book is bad, but they are all struggling, and they all do ugly and selfish and hurtful things.

The miscommunication and missed connections between Rob and Callie also felt woundingly believable, not the sort of outlandish refusals to talk that appear in less well-crafted dramas. Rob is understandably troubled by much of Callie's behavior, but she's also intolerant of any behavior that seems outside the norm, so even Callie's more harmless habits get her in trouble. Callie, at that tender preteen age, views much of her mother's scolding as an attack on her as a person, and reasonably misconstrues her mother's emotional upset as proof that she is unstable, and possibly a threat to Callie (concerns heartily reinforced by her father).

In order to give Callie clarity and context, Rob has decided to reveal the truth of her family history, which kicks off the lengthy "story-within-a-story" section about Rob's childhood and youth. Even when I grasped that this was meant to be the majority of the story, I still felt these sections dragged at times. There were more detail that necessary to explain things, and I was at times impatient to get back to Callie and Rob in the present. Still, as Rob's tale unfurls, it casts increasingly horrifying light on everyone in the family—Rob, Callie, Irving, and Rob's parents (now deceased).

The book goes some pretty twisted places, which I'll warn for because having skimmed reviews, some people definitely were not prepared for the darkness of the story. As for me, I enjoyed it, and Rob's backstory absolutely recontextualizes much of her early-book behavior towards Callie and Irving. There was cruelty in Rob's past, but there were also situations in which there just seemed to be no winning, and people doing their best but causing harm in the end anyway.

My only real complaint is about the ending. The ambiguousness of it I can forgive, because I think in the long run, it doesn't really matter whether route A or route B was the "real" ending—the pieces set on the board won't significantly change one way or the other. As Callie points out, her and Rob's lives are now both governed by the truth Callie revealed before they left Sundial. For me, it was the final twist that left a bad taste in my mouth, in part because it felt like just one twist too many, coming in what I expected to be the denouement, and because it sucks almost all of the triumph out of the final confrontation.

On the whole though, I thought Ward did a great job with the slow reveals and although I think the flashback sections could have been trimmed a bit more, it was never so bad that I was tired of the book. None of the characters here are very likeable, but boy they are trying to get through life without causing too much harm. Also, the audiobook narrator does such a good job of making Irving sound absolutely loathsome—his lines just drip with patronizing contempt. I wanted to shake him every time he spoke.

Crossposted to

books

susandennis

no time to post. I am collecting notes and will catch up. promise.

susandennis

My company is keeping me busy but we are having a wonderful time. Recap to come.

susandennis

Feet first. No pain last night. Whew. I discovered that my Merrells, the clogs, are ok to walk in if I wear socks so that's what I did yesterday. We didn't walk a lot but some and it was fine. I didn't get the sharp pains in my feet. I have now bought what feels like a million pairs of shoes online. I will, likely, return most of them, but, hopefully, I'll find one or two that don't hurt and aren't butt ugly. I did find a couple of possibles that looked very promising but their return policy either sucked or looked suspicious, so, no. Oddly, Zappos had nothing.

Today we'll be going to at least two shoe stores, so that might yield something.

Scott and Julie arrived yesterday in fine form. The Timber Ridge guest suite situation worked fine. There are two guest rooms on this side of the complex. My brother stayed in one that was nice and roomy. The other one, turns out, is not and that's the one Scott and Julie are in. It's a small room that is perfectly adequate and, since they haven't seen the other one, they are quite happy there. But, note to self, get 1301 and not 1300 next time.

We went to downtown Issaquah last night and ate at Jak's Steak House. Reddit says that it is not nearly as good as it used to be and, to be fair, a lot of people never thought it was good but I sure did. And, judging by the crowds and our experience, it has not deteriorated one bit. We got a lovely table by the big windows so they could watch the goings on in town. Our food was really good and there was lots of it and there was not even the tiniest bit to take home as leftovers.

Then we walked two blocks over and took Julie to her first ever Dollar Tree visit. She was entranced. It was fun.

Today, they want to go to North Bend. I love how they now get on the internet and scope out their choices. Scott wants pants from Columbia, they both want shoes from Skechers and the ride to North Bend is so pretty. We'll be back here in time for dinner, if not earlier.

They are the easiest people in the world to be around. I love having them here. They brought me THREE jigsaw puzzles! And wonderful high end hand cream - 3 different kinds.

Now I need to pop into the shower. We're meeting for breakfast before our adventures.

susandennis

Dr. Google says I have metatarsalgia. And that it's not fatal so, whew! But, ouch.

I've been fighting foot pain, cramps and toe issues for years and years and years. Periodically, I throw out all my shoes and try new ones. It never works but I have learned not to throw out shoes. I have one of those pop up mesh bins that lives in my storage unit and is full of shoes. Among them are the two pair of shoes I bought a couple of years ago at the orthopedic shoe store. I quit wearing them because they were clunky. One, a clog was hard to walk in for long distances and the other, a New Balance sneaker, was just like wearing a huge ugly boat. BUT I did not throw out either of those pair.

Yesterday, I dug out these two pair of not-at-all-acceptable shoes and put one on and OMG, my feet felt like 80% better instantly - just having them on my feet, not even walking! Fuck you, ugly shoes. I took all the shoes in my closet and put them into the old shoe bin in the storage unit. I was able to walk downstairs and get my dinner without pain so victory. Ugly but victorious.

Last night I only woke up once with foot pain. Big improvement.

I'll wear these two pair of horrible shoes until the new ones come in.

Also now I know for sure what good (for me) shoes feel like and if they don't feel like these two ugly pair, then they do not make the cut.

Scott and Julie arrive today. They are going out to the airport to pick up a rental car. When they leave here, they are driving to Oregon and Idaho and Salt Lake City in this rental car. They expect to be here about 2.

I went back to making dolls yesterday. It was like coming home to an old friend. I have a nice little inventory so my missing 4 days of making won't decimate the giving shelf's supply.

Ooops! I forgot her heart!! I need to fix that immediately.

Yesterday's Mariner game was an afternoon game in Chicago. I did not have video, of course, but even listening to it was hot. First they lost the home plate umpire. Then a Mariner pitcher was helped off the field. It was just too fucking hot. Today is more of the same. Ugh.

I saw a weather map yesterday of the United States. Not too many spots were habitable. Ours was one of them. Thank you, weather. It is cool and rainy this morning. Lovely.

meikuree

recent reading. I should probably warn that there'll be discussions of cannibalism, sexual violence, and eating disorders:

( Gliff by Ali Smith )
( Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica )
( Metal from Heaven by August Clarke )
( Unbearable Weight: Feminism, Western Culture, and the Body by Susan Bordo )

short stories:

When We Were Nearly Young by Mavis Gallant (a commentary here)

susandennis

I have vivid memories of my cousin falling into a big chair moaning 'my dogs are barkin'!! For some reason I thought that expression was just hilarious. Today my feet are not laughing. I've been wearing questionable shoes. Shoes that might not have enough support but a are cute (and cheap). And my feet are suffering. One of them kept me awake part of last night. There's a sharp pain in the middle of my feet near my toes. It was just constant last night. They were ok during volleyball but then mostly that are just lightly touching the ground during play. I'm held up by the water.

But I just walked downstairs to get the mail and I could barely get back home and I'm wearing my best shoes with arch supports and socks. And still they really hurt when I got up here.

At the mailbox, I got a check for $250 - the escrow from my condo closing. I sat down here, deposited the check, and then used Gemini to find shoes without laces for seniors with arch support and a big toe box. I have to say that Gemini did a good job. I proceeded to buy 3 pair - one from Orthofeet, one from Kuru and one from Vivonic. I may not keep any or I may keep all of them. I gotta do something. Cause my dogs are barkin'!

susandennis

Volleyball was excellent. We had 8 players, one new one who was excellent and the problem people were absent. A good time was had by the rest of us.

The poor Susan Dennis looking for a job, still has not figured out what her email address is. I guess the good news is that all these places responding to her are safe from hiring an idiot.

Today, after elbow coffee, there will be laundry. Somehow I missed a turn and there's so much I might need two loads! Scott and Julie have already said they need a load done when they get here so maybe I'll do most and toss in the rest with theirs.

For the first time this week, I do not have any items to take to UPS for return. Not only that, I do not have anything I've ordered yet to arrive. I'm all caught up!

I finished the pride robots/monsters. I ran out of the purple yarn after 50 of them so I figured that was a good place to stop. I used mini skeins that I bought at Hobby Lobby. While I hate shopping there because of their politics, I will if it's the only option for what I want which, in this case, it was. But it did tickle my fuck you bone to buy yarn to celebrate PRIDE there. $29 made 50 of them. Not too shabby.

Now it's back to dolls.

The menus for next week are good enough. Scott and Julie will be here for 3 dinners. And we have 3 dinner options - the buffet, the dining room and the cafe. We'll try them all. Breakfast is free with their guest room so we'll do that, too. And, lunch, if we need it. Tomorrow they will get here about 2ish and nothing will be open at Timber Ridge so we'll go out.

The first time Scott visited (long before he met Julie) it was 1995. I wanted to take him to an old fashioned small town 4th of July parade. So we went to Baimbridge Island on the ferry and saw their parade. It stuck on his brain like glue and he's talked about it ever since. We've thought of going back but just never worked it into one of their visits. Today, that gets fixed. He and Julie are headed over there today. No parade but they do have a farmers market and Julies LOVES American farmers markets. So excellent.

Time to get dressed. Ingrid often attends elbow coffee in her nightgown and robe but I, personally, think it's a little more respectful to get dressed before going.

susandennis

This was Friday's entry.... which... again... I forgot to hit 'post'!

Today's menus are of greater importance than usual. There's the looming meal allowance. This week, they have a pork chop at dinner that is soooooo good. Ordinarily, I'd order a couple of extras for the freezer. BUT if next week's menu looks very good, then maybe not. Scott and Julie will arrive Sunday and stay until Thursday so we will be using up the meal allowance that way if the menu is good. If it sucks, then I might pile on the pork chops and the three of us will go out.

Of course, it does not matter one bit if I go over and (did I mention this last week) they now have a new thing where you can donate any spare meal money you have left over to the Issaquah Food Bank.

But, still, to me, menus matter and I want to see next week's. They put it out (in the mail room cubbies) about now so I can go get mine any time. They also put the menus online but, frustratingly, not until Sunday or next week.

Hazel came over last night to chat. When John is down or cabby about something, she really wants/needs conversation with other people. I know Joan always wants company so I'm not sure why I get picked. She's a lovely sweet person, Hazel but not at all interesting. 95% of the stuff she says, I have heard before and didn't care about them either. Anyway John did come home from the hospital Wednesday and now he has a back issue and they are going to the doctor tomorrow.

I listen politely and offer nothing, I learned my lesson on Myrna. I am not their care giver and they are not my responsibility.

I treated myself to a nice set of covered bowls last week. When they arrived, I loved them! Yesterday, I used several to make pickles and another salad. And then I popped them into the dishwasher. Now they are not so much bowls as sculptures. I went back to Amazon to carefully read the web page. It says nothing about dishwasher. Nothing - not in the reviews, not in the questions, not in the texts. Fuck. So. I found another set of nice, covered bowls which were clearly labeled safe for dishwasher. And now, it's back to UPS for the 4th time this week. Sigh.

But it is a lovely cloudy day so no fighting the sun and an easy trip.

I have yarn for about 4 more Pride monsters/robots and then it will be back to dolls. If the inventory holds up a bit, I might work up some Halloween prototypes. Martha is all over Halloween so she's agreed to judge. I'm aiming for one - like the bunnies - that I'll make a bunch of. But then for sure back to the dolls. I do have enough inventory to hold me over for the days Scott and Julie are here.

Ok, time to get dressed and get on with the day.

rocky41_7

I've fallen into the trap of being so busy playing Baldur's Gate 3 that I haven't had the time to say anything about Baldur's Gate 3 (a problem I've experienced before - which is why I've never yet reviewed My Life as a Teenage Exocolonist). There's also the fact that anyone on the farthest verge of the gaming sphere is aware of this game and has probably already read a least one review of it. Still, I'll throw my thoughts out, for whatever they're worth.

2025 has been a strange gaming year for me. Far and away my most anticipated game was Dragon Age: The Veilguard, a game I've waited almost a decade for with baited breath. Baldur's Gate 3 was barely even on my radar—I played a few meager hours of one of Larian's earlier RPGs, Divinity Original Sin 2, which cemented my hatred of turn-based combat and dislike of isometric games. (Which is not a knock on DOS2—it was a very well-done game! Just not for me.) I was not willing to shell out BG3's price for the significant chance that its gameplay would be too frustrating for me to get into the story. Fortunately, my sister handled that issue by gifting it to me for Christmas—a free experiment.

In January, as usual, I plunged into my holiday cache of new games, starting with DATV—for more on my disappointment with that, see this review. When I'd quickly burned out on DATV, I turned to BG3, the unknown factor. Admittedly, this game is not optimized for console. Even after its eighth patch, it frequently crashes, particularly in battles with a high number of participants. Its menus and maps are difficult to read at a distance, such as from couch to TV. Its controls can be obtuse as the game tries to cram the huge number of functions onto a controller's limited button scheme.

However, in spite of these flaws, I've been reflecting the last few weeks on how BG3 has nevertheless been so much more fun than DATV, the game I was predisposed to like. What was it, I wondered, that made BG3 more fun? (And sorry--there will be more DA comparisons below.)

First, the thing that's most important to me in my RPGs - the vast roleplaying potential. Some games are "roleplaying" games in that you build up a character's skills and customize their fighting style. Others are "roleplaying" games in that you craft a character's personality and control their decisions in ways that (hopefully!) shape the narrative. Some are both - BG3 is both. The battle tactics of gaming has never interested me much, so I will leave that discussion to many reviewers more equipped to have it than I. What I can say is that BG3 gives you incredible potential to create your character--their backstory, their personality, their choices.

I've played three games of BG3, start to finish, and my three player characters (hereinafter referred to as "Tav," the default name for the PC) could not have been more different. And not just in my head, in the way I imagined them when I created and played them, but in the ways they were able to move through the world of BG3 and the choices they made.

BG3 eschews the clean and convenient dialogue wheel in favor of a long list of unvoiced dialogue options reminiscent of Dragon Age Origins (or DOS2, which uses the same style). This gave Larian the freedom to give the player far more response options than are available to a fully-voiced protagonist. Tav can be kind, curious, guarded, funny, caustic, and/or downright cruel. The long, branching conversations available with even minor NPCs gives the player ample opportunity to discover and display what kind of person Tav is to them.

Growing out of this same attitude are the many choices Tav can make throughout the game. I complained in my DATV review that it felt like the PC never made any real choices—they were all surface-level decisions that never once put the player in a real bind or had any notable consequences for the world. BG3 excels perhaps more than anywhere else in allowing the player to shape the world. The decision tree shaping the final two choices of the game itself spans at least half a dozen different outcomes (some with more significant differences than others—in my first playthrough, Tav became a mind flayer by the end!)

This freedom is perhaps most on display in the way your companion quests can play out. In some cases, I was reminded of Dragon Age II, where you at times had the choice to indulge your companion's worst instincts, the ones they really wanted to exercise, or to push them forcefully in a healthier direction. For instance, Shadowheart dreams of becoming a Dark Justiciar, a militant devotee of the goddess of darkness, Shar, almost universally reviled by the rest of Faerun for her petty cruelty. As this path demands more and more sacrifice from Shadowheart, you can either encourage her and bolster her resolve to follow her goddess' will—or you can ask her if Shar is really worth it, and push her to buck these divine demands. The outcomes for Shadowheart put her in a very different place, with even more, smaller differences in just how you pursue either route. Given, this is still a game trying to appeal to its audience, so few of your companions will openly regret the path you nudged them towards, although the hints may be there if things haven't turned out like they imagined.

I can also say at this point, having played through the character origin "The Dark Urge," that this was a fantastic addition to the game. While I enjoy making my own little guy as much as anyone, "Durge" is a great option to shake things up and it really made me see various facets of the game in a new way, given this unique context. Durge is not going to be to everyone's taste—it demands even more violence than you usually get from BG3—but I was fascinated watching this story play out (with plenty of room left for my own decisions, including ultimately rejecting my ordained destiny).

The last thing I'll mention is how the freedom of storytelling and choice in BG3 mean that you aren't forced onto a particular moral path. Your companions alone present you with a dizzying variety of moral codes, from Wyll who has devoted his life to defending the common people, to Minthara raised on the brutal drow code of conduct which prizes personal gain above all.

You can play Tav as dark or as light or as in-between as you want. You can lie to avoid fights, you can lie to start fights, you can make jokes about the harm you've caused, you can devote Tav to overthrowing oppressive powers, you can go out of your way to help people, you can remain laser-focused on your goal of curing yourself with no time to spare for other people's problems.

Your companions will react to these things—for instance, cheesing aside, Wyll and Minthara are mutually-exclusive companions, because the route you must take to recruit Minthara is so objectionable to Wyll that he'll simply leave the party. In general, they do not seek to spare the player's feelings—your companions can be angry, disappointed, betrayed, and more with Tav, as much as they can feel supported and loved. And it makes sense--it makes sense that Lae'zel is angry when she feels you're wasting time from finding the githyanki creche, where she believes there is a surefire cure to your problem. It makes sense that Shadowheart lashes out defensively if you question her devotion to Shar (even when she herself may be questioning it!) It makes sense that Gale is disgusted by the person he's become alongside Tav if you choose to raid the Emerald Grove rather than protect its residents. The characters as Larian has established them would have these reactions, and it wouldn't be reasonable if they continued to cheerlead Tav in the face of blatant violations of their moral codes and worldviews.

All of these things combine to make for a beautifully rich, layered game world which is just a joy to explore, one which I'm eager to return to yet again. Turn-based combat and isometric views are still not my favorite way to experience a game—but on the whole the story has been such a fun experience that I'm willing to brave a more complicated, more time-consuming fighting method. I may even seek out another copy of DOS2 to give that one another try, now that I have more understanding of the knack of Larian games. I may even go after the first two Baldur's Gate games!

BG3 is in no way a "hidden gem," but it was a surprise for me how much I've enjoyed it. A sleeper hit in my personal experience, perhaps. Anyway, I can't say more—I have another Tav to design.

Crossposted to

gaming

susandennis

I was wrong yesterday so today I'm not speculating. Hazel came in about 9 and asked if I'd take her to the hospital again. Turns out her son and his wife were not making her happy 'they are telling me what to do and it's not what I want'. It was fine. She told me to drop her off at the door and go. I quizzed her a million times about what she was going to do when she got inside the door and she had it figured out. Plus, she said, that with her walker and her visitor badge, if she stopped for so much as a second, someone swooped in and begged her to let them help her. She felt perfectly safe and unafraid so I left her at the door.

When I opened my apartment door to go pick up dinner, there was a sticky that said 'safely home. thank you!' I have no idea if it's just her or both of them. I know she'll come back if she needs anything so it's not on me to worry about what I should be doing for her. So I don't.

I stumbled on the perfect jacket on Women Within. Normally, when I find something there, I order it through Amazon but this jacket wasn't on Amazon and I wanted it and I had some coupons. It was $58 total (tax, shipping, dealer prep, whatever). For some reason, the order was invisible. It's still not listed on my order history. I never got an order number. They use caterpillars for shipping so it takes forfreakinever to get stuff. But it finally arrived yesterday and it's even better than I thought it would be. Love the look, love the weight, nice details... except. It's 2 sizes too big. I mean really really too big. It looks like I stole a lady linebacker's jacket. So I got onto their chat and after some frustrating back and forth, I finally was able to get them to find the order without the order number. They don't do exchanges. You send it back and they issue you a store credit and then you buy the size you want. EXCEPT the jacket is now listed for $95. The CSR said they would charge me the same as I paid before. We shall see. At least the return is Happy Returns which is easy peasy - my UPS store and a QR code. Happily, I have no use for the jacket until Fall which is probably when I will get it.

Meanwhile, I bet Google Maps would tell me but I'm guessing I've made more trips that UPS store in the year and a half that I've lived here than to the Timber Ridge mailroom. They are lovely people and do not mock me for being in there every day but still. I'll go back there today.

For about a month or more, both my ankles were swollen like a fat old lady (which, of course, I am). And, also, my feet got fatter. Not longer, just fatter. No reason. But, the other day, I noticed they were back to normal size. And they've stayed that way. So weird. Just a bout of swollen, I guess.

Oh and I got a letter yesterday. The last of my Seattle doctors has flown the coop. My doctors were part of a kind of medical coop called The Polyclinic. Which, in its heyday was fabulous. They were very patient oriented and it showed all over the place. One time they fucked up my flue shot and I sent a note to the head patient person explaining the issue and OMG, I finally had to tell them to stop calling to apologize. All was forgiven.

Then they got bought out by Big Medical and the walls started crumbling. My eye doctor went first. She was replaced by a guy who routinely pissed me off. Then my lung doctor went. But he left a nurse practitioner who was fabulous. Then she left. The next lung doctor was fine. My doctor of record was wonderful. I was quite fond of him for all of the dozen years we met annually. He left this past month. And now the new lung doctor has gone. Also, I think they are even changing the name. A new era. Without me.

Ok. Time to get dressed and hang a bit to see if Hazel needs me, then off to UPS for my now daily visit.

susandennis

I spent most of yesterday assuming today I'd be Hazel's hospital taxi. This was not a good thought. I hate the drive and I'm not wild on her dependence on me. She has two grown sons and one grown daughter in law who live nearby... But, finally last night about 8, she came in to give me an update. They were still testing stuff with John but his spirits were good. Her son brought her home and her daughter in law escorted her up to her door. And they were going to be her hospital taxi today. So, whew.

She's kind of a mess. Not in a pearl clutching way but more in a confused and also severely diminished eyesight kind of way. This has also pointed that out to her. "I never used a cellphone because why? John's always there and he does it. Bad move." But, it is nice to know (for me, her sons, her husband and her) that she is in a place with options if she needs them.

So today is mine. Thank you. There is a Food and Beverage committee meeting this afternoon. The first since they fired the long time chef and hired a new one. Should be interesting.

I put in a work order the other day because the door to my apartment squeaks so loudly that I was afraid of complaints from downtown every time I opened the door. I had WD-40'd the hinges and nada. But, turns out, I just needed a professional. Yesterday, Jorge (who is one of the nicest guys) came and did just what I did but did it way better because now I can sneak out in the dead of night and no one will ever know. I love not owning my home!!

I think after Scott and Julie leave next week, I'll go back to dolls. I should be about out of Pride yarn by then anyway. And nearly out of Pride month.

susandennis

Volleyball was really good this morning. We had a good crowd of fun players and lots of laughs. Then, home to breakfast and coffee. I was nearly finished with both when Hazel came in with a face that was in total distress. She said John and fallen in the shower and they had just taken him away and could I please take her to the hospital.

Turns out, thankfully, he had not fallen but had come close and nearly lost conciseness. The parametics said it was likely dehydration. She wasn't entirely sure which hospital and her son could not get to her until after 11 (this was 8:30). So we made a plan. We found out the hospital. I grabbed my shit, she grabbed hers, we got her and her walker into the car and off we went.

She was not frantic just worried to bits. I was really glad she had gotten me instead of trying to figure it out on her own, Plus, I had zippity on for this morning so not a problem.

The hospital was the same one that I took Myrna to all those times so at least not a black hole. It's an easy-ish trip until you get close and then it's a nightmare. But we made it And found easy parking and got right in to John who was awake and alert and not frantic. Now they were thinking heart. I stayed until Hazel had talked to their son to find out he was on the way. Then I came home. Now I am in the elbow while my house cleaner does her magic.

Hazel did call a few minutes ago to say that they were keeping John overnight and Keith (son) would get her home. (Whew on not having to go again. I'm over that drive.)

So that's my excitement du jour. I did remember, on my way home, to pop into UPS with my Amazon return. Go Me.

rocky41_7

On Monday's outbound commute I finished the audiobook for Even Though I Knew the End. This is a supernatural/fantasy noir romance and it does pack a lot of all three of those things into its brief 4-hour runtime.

This book relies heavily on stock film noir tropes—the veteran down-and-out private (paranormal) investigator (here a lesbian, Helen, our protagonist) who drinks too much and is haunted by past mistakes, a mysterious and sexy female client with a unique case, and "just one last" job before the PI plans to quit and retire with a beloved romantic partner. I didn't find them overused—and seeing them reworked to queer and female characters was fun—but other readers may find them too worn out even here.

Because the book is so short, it moves along at a very rapid pace. The whole thing takes place over the course of two days—the final two days before Helen's soul debt is called due and she finally has to pay the price of her warlock bargain. In this way, any rush felt appropriate, since it fit both the size of the novel and the context of Helen's urgency to get this last job done before she has to pay up.

The characters weren't super developed, but again—4-hour runtime. They're a little stock character-y, but not total cardboard cut-outs. It was disappointing for me to see Helen make the same mistake at the end of the book that she did prior to the start, as if she hadn't really learned anything, but since the novel ends promptly after that, the story never has to reckon much with it.

I was relieved that Edith, Helen's girlfriend, wasn't just the damsel in distress/goal object for Helen, which I was a bit worried about in the beginning. Edith has secrets and goals of her own.

Overall, the book was fine, and it entertained me well enough for a few days. Nothing extraordinary here, but nothing objectionable either. I will say I think keeping it short worked best for this book—I think drawing it out might have only weakened it. A fun little twist on a typical noir novel.

Crossposted to

books and

fffriday

rocky41_7

On Saturday afternoon, on the bus ride home, I finished The Traitor Baru Cormorant, because I couldn't wait until I got home to reach the end, despite a long history of reading-induced car sickness. It was totally worth it.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant is all fantasy politics. There's no magic or fairies or prophecies, just Seth Dickinson's invented world and the titanic machinations of Empire. And it is electric. Tentatively, I'd make a comparison to The Goblin Emperor, except that where TGE is about how Maia, completely unprepared for his role, is thrust into a viper's nest of politics, Baru Cormorant is about how Baru has painstakingly taught herself the ways of the empire and enters into the game fully prepared to rewrite the rules to her liking.

Dickinson creates a wonderfully believable world. The Empire of Masks—popularly known as the Masquerade—is sickeningly plausible, with their soft conquests of money and ideas backed by a highly-trained and well-equipped military. The Masquerade is not content to conquer land—it must conquer minds, people. It is relentless in its push to force its colonies and territories to adopt its ways of thinking, to the point of dictating who may and may not marry based on their bloodlines. With this comes a heaping dose of homophobia, frequently enforced on cultures who had formerly been relaxed or even accepting of queer identities and relationships. This presents a specific problem for Baru, who is the daughter of a mother and two fathers, and who is herself a deeply closeted lesbian.

The story makes use of incredibly mundane tools in its schemes, something that also rings realistic. It's not all backstabbing, murder, and blackmail—at one point, a serious political threat is nullified through currency inflation. Baru, who becomes an imperial accountant, is in a prime position to use these seemingly dull tools to marvelous effect. Many schemes are strangled in the cradle, such that only the plotter and the defeater are even aware that they existed. But the game goes on.

In that same vein, Dickinson pays ample attention to the practical realities of economics, war, and rebellion, in a way that grounds the story in realism without letting it drag. The pace felt even throughout, picking up at the climax without ever feeling rushed. At the same time, despite the frequently detailed and excruciating groundwork various characters are laying for their plans, the novel never felt slow. Dickinson's prose is descriptive without being overwrought or tiresome. He keeps the reader on the hook figuring out Baru's plans or realizations without making it so obscure that a dedicated or observant reader couldn't figure things out along with her. I never felt like Dickinson was keeping things vague because he lacked answers or plans himself.

Given the above two things, potential readers should know this book runs almost entirely on machinations. If you are not significantly interested in plotty plotters plotting things, you may find this book duller than I did.

Baru herself is the epitome of ruthlessness. Her goals are noble—her desire to free her home, to end the tyranny of the Masquerade—but she will do anything to achieve those goals. She is a truly fascinating character, calculating, controlled, brilliant—and constantly tormented by the need to weigh her choices and the potential futures ahead. I loved watching her schemes build, play out, and adapt along with the developing situations. She is a fantastical chess player—but not without flaws and blind spots. Her character asks the reader a fascinating question about just how long the ends can justify the means, and what an individual is willing to sacrifice for their notion of the greater good.

There were moments in the book when I felt Baru's motivations were a little foggy, a little hasty, but I was willing to forgive that because the rest of the book was so enjoyable. It wasn't until the very end when I realized I had missed something, and all the pieces fell into place, and her motivations were perfectly clear and logical.

Equally interesting are the ways the characters around Baru plot and respond to her. There was one moment near the end when I gasped out loud at a twist, and then realized later I'd made the same error as some other characters in assuming its causes. The thing with Dickinson's twists is that they all make sense in retrospect. There were some "I can't believe that just happened!" moments, but nothing that felt like it came out of the left field or that was not supported by the narrative up to that point. Dickinson also does a good job of making sure the characters around his core plotter still feel like real players in the game. He never falls prey to Baru being the only one with schemes and long games ongoing—the board pieces are constantly shifting as others make their own bids for power and Baru must adjust her plans accordingly.

And this book has things to say. Baru Cormorant is an unrelenting condemnation of imperialism, economic and militant, and it never shies away from the extent of personal and cultural damage done to the victims of the Masquerade. Everyone trying to survive in the Masquerade's world is having to compromise themselves somehow, to some extent, and no one survives contact with the empire unscathed, even those who eventually turn its power to their own ends. The economic control; the eugenics programs; the targeting of youth to indoctrinate them with the Masquerade's values; the wars of conquest; the coercion, manipulation, and bribery that keep the people adhering to the Masquerade's will—all of it is brought to light and examined and called for what it is: control, control, control, no matter how pretty a face is put on it.

It is not, as you may have gathered, a happy book, but that's just fine with me.

I was hanging on every page by the end, and first thing Sunday morning I was off to the library to pick up the sequel, which I started the same day. I cannot wait to see how Baru's story progresses! Hats off for Baru Cormorant!

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susandennis

Friday night, Ethel asked me if I wanted wine or water 'or we have some tonic and lime' and pointed to glasses set up that looked delicious and refreshing so I opted for tonic and lime. And now, of course, I'm hooked. I do enjoy a good gin and tonics but I like most alcohol, while I enjoy the taste, I do not enjoy the effects. Plus who needs the extra calories anyway? For some reason it never occurred to me to just leave out the gin. So tonic and lime is my new, refreshing, Summer beverage.

I went out yesterday to buy some tonic and to make an Amazon return and then remembered, after I had left, that the UPS shop was closed for father's day. So I still have that errand to do. But, still no hurry.

There are workers out on the patio this morning but they are working very quietly :) There are several tables set up for eating so someone must be having a lunch or dinner out there today. Tis the season. My friend, Steve, gathers folks for dinners on Thursdays out there. I can watch from my table. I keep thinking I'll join them sometime but on Thursdays I usually find a million reasons why I'd rather not. Starting with... eating outside?? I've never understood the allure. It's way cooler and more pleasant in here and... no bugs.

I have nothing on the agenda today. So that's probably what I will do. More Clarksons Farm and more Pride dolls. I need to build up an inventory for when I'm not knitting next week. My New Zealand friends arrive on Sunday.

Even with nothing on the agenda, it would be good if I got dressed.

susandennis

susandennis

Turns out that last night's dinner was kind of a tradition for the two couples. Ethel and Gary, who live here, have Seattle Symphony tickets with Jan and Dick, who don't live here... yet. Dick and Jan come over and have dinner as guests of Ethel and Gary and then Dick (the only one of the four who still drives at night), drives them to the concert.

So last night, they added me and Beth Box into the mix. Beth was another friend of Myrna's (and of both couples) who moved in here about six months after I did. So the six of us had a delightful dinner. They closed the dining room ('staffing shortage' again) so we all got dinners to go and had it in Ethel and Gary's apartment which was just lovely.

Dick and Jan did finally get their house on the market and had an offer in 3 days and are closing the first week in July so they will be moving into Myrna's apartment very soon.

Today is baseball, knitting, and laundry. I might go out. I have an Amazon return and I'd like a couple of things at the grocery BUT nothing really that can't wait so maybe not. Next week has plenty of opportunities for stuff like that.

Julio has this toy that he is addicted to. It needs to be charged and I forgot to charge it last night and it's just run out of juice and he's having a hard time dealing with it. For the last 5 minutes, he's just been lying there staring at it. He gets all anxious when I plug it into the charger. But, it looks like that's going to have to happen. Sorry, buddy.

Oh, good, he just went into the bedroom. Time to plug it in.

susandennis

Protests, graduations, COVID - they all got together and decimated our volleyball turnout. But four of us lamely tried for an hour. It was ok. It would have been more fun had not the asshole been one of the four and he decided to leave after 30 minutes. Four worked. Three didn't. We gave up.

Elbow coffee is still an hour away.

The other day when I was at Trader Joes, I got some heirloom tomatoes, an onion and some Persian cukes and yesterday I chopped them all up into biggish pieces, added salt and pepper and a little balsamic dressing and popped it into the fridge. Dinner from the buffet was turkey and dressing and mashed potatoes and I added my chopped concoction and OMG was it all delicious. PLUS there is enough left of everything for another entire meal and then some.

But it won't be tonight. I got a text from Ethel asking me if I could join her and Gary and Jan and Dick for dinner tonight! YOU BETCHA!! They are all the best friends of Myrna. Gary plays volleyball with us (and was one of the four this morning) and Ethel is his wife and they are both delightful. Jan and Dick are the couple planning to move into Myrna's apartment. All four of them have been so kind to me and are just fun, nice, people. I'm delighted to be their fifth wheel. Plus, I want an update of the moving situation. And they are early birds so dinner will be at 4:45 which suits me just perfectly.

Periodically, I check on my cousin's house in Oklahoma City. BUT Google hasn't updated the street view since before he died. And, of course, the real estate sites have no info. I'm sure the people who bought it will tear it down or already have. So I keep checking. This morning I got the bright idea to check Reddit. Yep, there is an OKC sub so I posted an ask for someone who's driving by to snap a photo. I already got a response from some who who says they work very near there and can do it! Very cool.

My New Zealand friends sent me a video this morning of a bear and two cubs crossing the road in front of them on their way west to Whistler. I do love that they saw them. Love that she was fast enough to whip out her phone and capture the video but most of all I am so grateful to live in a time when that is not only possible, it's normal!! (the video not the bears)

Ok, now I need to get dressed. Ingrid may go to elbow coffee in her nightgown and robe but not me.

themorikelife

Hello! I'm so happy that you (yes! you!) are writing for me in this exchange. I am looking forward to the fabulous gift that I am sure to receive.

This letter gives a bit more detail to my sign up requests, which I purposefully kept a bit sparse. Everything I list here is optional. If your muse is taking you in a direction that is not detailed here, then follow your muse! I would rather read a fic that the author had fun writing than one that was forced to meet standards that did not creatively jive with you, the creator.

General Likes & DNWs:

Things I Love:

Creative Setting AUs (weird west, steampunk, space western, solarpunk, space opera, etc)
complicated relationships
messy lesbians
enemies-to-lovers
slow burn
asexual characters finding love
grumpy/sunshine
pining/mutual pining
arranged marriage
fake relationships
happy endings
sexless physical intimacy
sexual tension
adult characters adopting lost/orphaned younger characters
found family when no one seems to like each other
angst with a happy ending
angst/whump
hurt/comfort
ostracized characters finding a friend/family
strong and independent characters being vulnerable/taken care of
grief/grief exploration
character study
character A is at their lowest and expects hate/punishment/pain but character B shows compassion instead
epistolary storytelling formats (diary entries, letters, news articles, social media posts, etc.)
creative or experimental forms of storytelling

If you'd like to write something smutty, I'd prefer some plot or character work to go with it as opposed to straight up porn without plot, such as someone learning something new about themselves or someone learning to be vulnerable in a sexual situation. When it comes to kink, it's about the trust/bond between two people!

Smutty Likes & opt-ins:

Aftercare
Omegaverse Dynamics (both traditional and untraditional)
Blindfolds
Bondage
Playing with Breasts
Cunnilingus
Dubious Consent
Face-Sitting
Finger Sucking
Finger Fucking
Friends with Benefits
Gags
Girl!dick
Held Down
Honor Bondage
Impact Play (Paddles, Whips, Hands, etc)
Nipple Play
Oral Fingering
Polyamory/Open Relationships
Restraints
Rough Sex
Sex Pollen & Similar Setups
Sex Toys
Shibari
Squirting
Strap-Ons
Thigh Riding
Vaginal Fingering
Vibrators
Fucked Unconscious
Wax Play
Whipping

If you think of something I may like that is not listed here and is not in my DNWs, this is permission to write it. Chances are I just don't know if I like it yet!

DNWs:

rape/sexual violence/sexual assault (references to prior off-screen violence are fine)
bodily fluids other than cum being used for sex
characters under 16 having on-page sex (references to it happening off-screen are fine)
incest
major character death (unless otherwise stated)
mpreg
fatphobia
ace-phobia
celebrity AUs
time travel/funky time shenanigans

The Locked Tomb Series by Tamsyn Muir - Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus

My favorite thing about Gideon and Harrow is how much they outwardly hate each other, and yet they are unable to separate themselves from the other. I want to see these two fight against their marriage. Their union comes with claws and teeth. Their partner is not easy to love, but neither are they. I want these two involuntarily stuck with each other and not admitting their growing feelings until it’s too late.

Canon universe is fine, but I would love to see your take on their marriage in these canon-adjacent AUs:

Harrow Nova
Harrowhark Goes to the Ball
Harrowhark joins the Cohort
Gideon Raised by Blood of Eden
Gideon Raised by John/The Lyctors

Treats of any medium are welcome!

The following prompts are merely suggestions. If you think of an idea that you like better than what's presented, then I prefer you follow your muse!

Harrowhark is the newest recruit on a Cohort ship. Gideon is a BARI-star but is unable to connect with anyone outside the coffee shop (despite wanting to). They hate each other on sight. Harrowhark hates that Gideon tries to flirt with every girl that dares talk to her. Gideon hates that Harrowhark has a stick up her ass who knows Gideon’s every desire.
- Gideon and Harrow wake up hungover and married.
- Gideon and Harrow refuse to back down from a dare that goes too far, and they end up married anyway
As the biological heir of the Anastasian line, Harrow Nova’s only value to the Ninth is through her marriage, despite all attempts to prove herself through her cavaliership.
- Reverend Daughter Gideon raises the funds to buy her marriage contract to keep her on the Ninth
- Reverend Daughter Gideon had married Harrow Nova in secret to keep her safe, and now they must manipulate things so they can get married for real
- Harrow Nova competes in a tournament/series of trials to win back her own marriage contract
A mysterious pilgrim (Gideon) arrives on the Ninth. Reverend Daughter Harrowhark is invested in keeping this stranger away from the Ninth’s secrets, but Gideon is a Blood of Eden agent and is determined to open the Tomb.
The Nine Houses have won a huge victory over Blood of Eden. One of their wing commanders (Gideon) attempts to negotiate a marriage with someone on the Ninth. Her ulterior motive is to open the Tomb to bring about the end of the Emperor Undying. Along the way, she attempts to court the Reverend Daughter as a means to get to the secrets she wants to find.
Blood of Eden has won a huge victory over the Nine Houses. This has granted them access to The Ninth House and the Tomb, that is their destination. Gideon marries Harrow to keep the Ninth population in check, but along the way realizes that Harrow’s people are desperate and in need of something more practical than the usurping of the Emperor Undying.
Prince Kiriona Gaia is supposedly looking to marry. Harrowhark joins the army of eligible suitors in an attempt to win her hand. The union will replenish the diminishing resources of the Ninth.
- Harrow must compete in a series of trials to win Gideon’s hand.
- Gideon and Harrow agree to marry on paper. Harrow gets her resources, Gideon gets to leave the Nine Houses. This arrangement means they get everything they want, right?

I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Treats of any medium are welcome!

Arcane: League of Legends - Caitlyn Kiramman/Vi

I think Season 2 did Vi dirty in terms of her character. We lost a sense of who she is: someone who is community-focused, who will set aside her needs for the sake of others, who listened to Vander’s lectures on leadership and took them to heart, who doesn’t care about herself so long as other people are happy.

For this exchange, I’d like a fic that remembers that Vi is the daughter of an influential community leader, and there is power in that position both politically and socially. I am not opposed to AUs, but I'd prefer a more creative setting (examples: historical fantasy set in the 1940s, weird west featuring werewolves, etc). If you write an AU, please keep their social and political status similar to the show.

In my mind, Vi falls for Caitlyn for 2 reasons:

Caitlyn had everything handed to her. She can choose to fight for anything, and she chooses to fight for Vi.
Caitlyn is the only person that prioritizes Vi. For the first time in Vi’s life, she found someone who will take care of her, instead of needing to be taken care of by Vi.

Likewise, Caitlyn falls for Vi for these reasons:

Underneath Vi’s sharp and tough exterior lies a soft heart that is filled with kindness and compassion. Anyone can see that, but only Caitlyn can see the fatigue of keeping her guard up.
If you pay attention, Caitlyn is discounted by nearly every character besides Vi, Jayce, and Mel. Vi is the first person to respect Caitlyn for her abilities, even after learning her family name.

Potential prompts

In order to keep the Kiramman succession alive, Caitlyn is smuggled out of Piltover and into Zaun, where she pretends to be married to Vi to hide her true identity.
Vi, daughter of Vander, refuses to marry for political reasons. But when the Noxian Empire looms on the horizon, Vi offers her hand in marriage to Caitlyn Kiramman of Piltover in order to bring The Lanes under Piltovan protection.
As children, Vi and Caitlyn were married for an alliance between Zaun and Piltover. Now that they’re both adults, they are expected to consummate their union or the alliance would fall apart. The only problem is:
- Vi had been a prisoner of war and has serious touch issues as a result
- Caitlyn pines for another (Maddie) and doesn’t want to go through with it
In order to bring fertility back to the lands of Zaun, Vi and Caitlyn are having a magical sex magic honeymoon to sow fertility in the fields. The only problem is Vi, whose orgasms are central to the magic, doesn’t want to be touched because of [insert canon trauma here].
Vi is the newly appointed werewolf pack leader without a mate. Caitlyn is in town on the run from a rival pack. Vi offers her protection if Caitlyn agrees to be her temporary mate for the season. The agreement is to part ways after a temporary stint, but the longer Caitlyn spends with Vi, the more she doesn’t want to leave.
Caitlyn from S3E7 Alternate Universe is magically transported to the Main Timeline where she is married to Vi. Vi helps her find a way back, but Caitlyn ends up falling for Vi. Back in her own timeline, alt!Caitlyn attempts to re-find Vi, only to discover that she was the child that died in the workshop explosion.

Treats of any medium are welcome!

Arcane: League of Legends - Mel Medarda/Sevika

I’ve only seen fanart of this rarepair, and I would love to see fanfiction that depicts them as well. My letter goes into more detail about how I see them as a couple; you are not obligated to follow my logic. I would love to see your interpretation of this wonderful ship!

This is how I imagine their dynamic. You are, of course, welcome to imbue your own interpretation if you don't agree.

Mel is impressed by Sevika’s suave political maneuvering. Sevika is not pretty to look at, but she’s self-assured and tough and analytical. Sevika’s priority is the safety and comfort of her people, and she’s willing to do anything (including bend a few rules) to get it. Sevika is slow to trust, but Mel is patient and persistent and thoughtful. When Sevika finally learns to open up, she is rewarded with gentleness and compassion, two things she was resigned to never have for herself. It’s terrifying, but gods does it feel so good.

Sevika is caught off-guard by Mel. Mel’s respect comes too easily, and Sevika can’t shake the feeling that Mel is constantly manipulating the people around her. Sevika is impressed that Mel’s skin is tougher than it looks, and her political principles are uncompromising, even if setting them aside would make her ambitions easier to attain. Mel is able to take care of herself, but Sevika never sees Mel truly relax. When Sevika realizes this, she wants to be someone Mel can let go with.

Between the two of them, Mel is the first to express romantic intentions and make small, casual touches. But Sevika is the one to initiate physical intimacy beyond a kiss.

Here are a few prompts to get you started:

To secure an alliance with the Medarda family, the Piltover Council nominate Sevika as the unwitting marriage victim (as opposed to another Councillor’s grown-yet-unmarried child). Sevika uses the opportunity to negotiate bringing the Medarda resources through the undercity before they arrive to Piltover, which would boost the undercity’s economy and influence. Mel is impressed by the maneuver though not convinced, and Sevika shows off Zaun’s technology and ingenuity, which would help out the Noxians just as much as anything made by Piltover.

To spite her mother/family, Mel hires an escort (Sevika) to act as her spouse for several family functions over the course of several years. With every function, they realize how compatible they are as partners, and eventually fall in love.

Mel is supposed to marry Jayce Tallis, but at her bachelorette party, she makes the impromptu drunken decision to marry the hot butch stripper her maid of honor hired. Sevika is chasing dollars to bring down her medical debt (from getting her arm amputated), so when the drunk heiress and socialite Mel offers to pay off her entire debt for a Vegas-style wedding, Sevika agrees without question. In the aftermath, Sevika refuses to sign the annulment/divorce papers until all the money is in her bank account. Mel doesn’t want to pay, but what other choice does she have?

Medarda Family advisors keep pushing Mel to marry. Fed up, Mel proposes a contest and designs impossible tasks for contestants/suitors to complete. She will only marry someone who completes every task. Sevika, representing the interests of Zaun, signs up to compete in order to get close to Mel. Sevika doesn’t care about the contest, she just wants international recognition for Zaun’s global contributions. Their unexpected mutual respect ends up bringing them together.

Treats of any medium are welcome!

Original Work

My sign up features the list of pairings and additional tags that I find interesting. I don't have specific prompts for any of these pairings. So long as you don't include any of my DNWs, I'll be happy with whatever you're able to create.

If you need a little something extra, here are some ideas that I've been mulling over myself that you can sink your creative fingers into.

Love is a Choice (and I choose you)
You and Your Spouse have a Friends with Benefits and/or Queer Platonic Partner vibe no one else seems to fully understand
The more I get to know you, the more I realize how poorly you were treated before me
You were afraid of me when we first met and that’s tainted every interaction I’ve ever had with you
The conqueror has no intention of actually consummating with the conquered royal, and this annoys the conquered royal

Character Tags:

Female Alpha Uninterested in Marriage/Omega Her Family Forces Her to Marry Anyway (Original Characters)
Female Bartender/Female Bar Patron (Original Work)
Foreign Royal Bride/Knight or Courtier performing a proxy wedding
Lonely Female Farmer/Mail Order Bride She Wants to Help on the Farm (Original Work)
Female Eccentric Winemaker/Female Wine Importer (Original Work)
Alien Diplomat/Stranded Human Tourist (Original Work)
Princess of Conquered Kingdom/Enemy Female General Who Lead the Coup (Original Characters)
Princess Willing To Do Her Duty/Princess Forced To Obey Her Family (Original Work)
Widowed Alpha/Widowed Omega (OW Any)
Woman Disguised as Male Leader of a Coup/Princess Turned Concubine War Prize (OW)

Treats of any medium are welcome!

Thank you and have a happy exchange!

Current Mood: excited

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Recent Reading: Sundial

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Good time being had by all

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(no subject)

once the emotional infrastructure's in place

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