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[personal profile] liveonthesun
next week is finals week and i spent most of the day studying and rewarding myself with an episode of the handmaid's tale for every two hours i worked. i loved the three episodes that are out and can't wait for the rest of them. it's really well and beautifully done and there were so many moments that gave me chills, both from terror and from beauty.

i love that juxtaposition of beauty and terror and how it could mean either that even beautiful things can be horrible or that even horrible things can have some beauty in them.

it reminded me a lot of being in college -- not that women were forced surrogates -- but living in an atmosphere were you always have to keep your feelings and opinions to yourself and you never know who you can trust with your secrets that shouldn't be secrets in the first place. i was lucky in that i found people very early in my time there who i could be my angry feminist dyke self around and was able to live with them sophomore and junior year, but it was still so hard to sit through chapel and classes and remember that conversations we could have in the dorm we couldn't have outside.

funnily enough, we read the handmaid's tale in my women's lit class. 80% of the class did their final papers on it, most of them comparing/contrasting it with persepolis.

it's so weird thinking about harding. how my years there were some of the worst i've had and how depressed and scared i was the whole time i was there. but also knowing that if i had gone somewhere else, i wouldn't have many of the friends today, probably wouldn't have moved to atlanta and therefore wouldn't have met britt. so like, i get angry thinking about how depressed i was and how much i hated being there, but also i'm so in love with my wife and the life we have built for ourselves and am so grateful for ending up here as the result of going through all of that.

silver linings.

however, this month has been so stressful and i haven't been to the gym but twice and my whole body is so tense and hurts so much and i've been so tired. but school will all be over by tuesday and i'm not taking classes this summer and we're going to disney at the end of may and to the beach in july.

i made it through harding, i can make it through the next five days. :)
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