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i made it to the gym this morning. britt convinced me that going to yoga to see if it would help my body stop being so painfully tense was more important than mowing the lawn. it did help! i'm still really tense, but not like sharp pains every time i move my shoulders tense.

it was a class i hadn't been to before, a yoga pilates fusion, and i think it's the class i've been looking for all along. i love the stretching of yoga and the strength training of pilates, and i think it was exactly what my body needed this morning.

after yoga, we packed our backpacks and went to study at hodgepodge for the rest of the afternoon. afterwards, we stopped at a cupcake shop some friends told us about and each treated ourselves. they were REALLY GOOD CUPCAKES, like, perfectly moist without depending on the frosting for moisture. and i usually don't like frosting, but theirs wasn't overly sweet the way a lot of frostings are.

i threw together a quick stir-fry for dinner, and i'm waiting for it to finish cooking right now. i'm so tired though. body-tired from exercise and brain-tired from studying. it's only 6:15 and i'm thinking i might just watch one ep of something while eating and then call it in early.
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1.
my wife was published on autostraddle! we're getting closer and closer to having to pick a sperm donor and it's getting frustrating. we have a few in mind, but the one we LOVE might be too expensive for us to use. the cheaper banks have some promising contenders, but we can't choose for sure until we do genetic counseling this summer. i'm actually really nervous about the genetic counseling since it's testing for charcot-marie-tooth, which my grandmother had, and my dad and brother both have CMT feet even though my dad refuses to get diagnosed and my brother hasn't yet. i have to be tested to see if i'm a carrier, and i'm worried that the test results will show that i actually have it. i have high arches, though not as prominently as my dad and brother do, but it can also onset really slowly soooooooooooo.

i had to take two xanax last night to fall asleep because i couldn't stop obsessing over it. every so often over the past few years i'll google "charcot-marie-tooth foot" and just compare my feet to the pictures of cmt feet for a long time. and now the anxiety about it is just growing. so like. on one hand it's good that i'll actually be getting an answer soon, but on the other hand i'm just getting more and more anxious about it the closer we get.

2.
tonight we're having dinner with some sort-of-friends!!! they're a wonderful lesbian couple we met at a dog training class, and again at an LGBT family planning class, and then ran into at various restaurants and grocery stores in the neighborhood, but have never actually been able to spend time with. we've friended them on facebook after the family planning class and we've wanted to hang out forever, but they had twins about a year ago and britt and i are both working full-time and in school, so scheduling is impossible.

but we're having dinner with them tonight! i'm so excited to actually get to spend time talking to them and meet their beautiful twins and talk about lesbian conception woes. :)

3.
i'm starting to want to try to reclaim christianity more? like. i don't know if i'll ever believe in god again, and i don't know if i WANT to, but i want to read the bible again and remember what i loved about it even when i didn't felt like it loved me back. i saw an article about how quakers should adopt liberation theology and picked up a few books on it, and found a book in our meeting's library called reading the bible again for the first time and really liked the intro. i'm reading that one right now and will read the liberation theology books afterwards.

it's weird. i don't know how i feel about it. i don't know if this will change anything about what i believe or my relationship with christianity, but i feel like i'm finally far away (time-wise, physical distance-wise, emotional trauma-wise) enough from the christianity of my youth to try giving it another shot. there are aspects of it that i miss so much and i want to see if i can somehow reclaim them.

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